There’s a hidden smart-aleck buried inside most of us. Some of us let it out all the time: off-color, biting sarcasm is our stock-in-trade. Others bite their tongue, play nice, and keep the dirty jokes or snarky comments to themselves. This is a list of gifts that lets all that out. But be careful. You might cause a scene. On the other hand, that might be what you want to do. Have fun!
This adult party game will bring out the dirty devil in anyone. It’s like Pictionary, but with words. A player draws a card and reads the ‘inappropriate’ word to the group. Then the other players write down their definitions, and everyone votes on the best one. You’ll definitely find out who has the dirtiest mind in your group of friends.
Prices Vary
This cute little corkscrew has the business end in just the right place. It’s poking out of the groin area of a happy, red, cartoony-looking plastic figurine. His arms are thrown above his head and his legs are wide to make for an easy grip. We love the fact that the joke is part of the name.
$7.99
This one is for the man—or woman, we suppose—in your life with a big truck. Or maybe it’s a small truck that needs a little ego boost. Either way, this is a pair of dangling family jewels that’s made to attach to the back of any truck. They come in a variety of colors.
$11.50
This hilarious adult-themed coloring book is the creation of Ryan Hunter and Taige Jensen. They’ve producers hundreds of YouTube videos and sketches for MTV, Cracked, and AOL. This book of coloring activities tackles marital issues, work issues, kid issues, and more.
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Travel pillows come in all shapes and sizes. Some are silky smooth, perfect for long trips in a car or an airplane. Some wrap around your neck like a thick scarf. Some have clever sayings or cute pictures on them. But this one is really gross. It’s dark brown and shaped like a big pile of poop.
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Boobies! There, we said it. This is neither a chocolate Santa, nor is it a chocolate Easter Bunny. This is a set of milk chocolate (get it-milk chocolate) breasts, complete with lifelike nipples. Put them under the tree and get a good laugh when they’re opened. But we think the funny part will be when they—well, you know.
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This is a great—or terrible—gift idea for a spouse. It’s a red bell with a black handle and the words “Ring for a Quickie” written on it. That way, when you or your spouse hears the delicate little chime, they’ll know whether they need to slip into something more comfortable or come down with a quick headache.
$7.83
This cute little guy will shock you with his potty mouth. He’s a lovable little brown and white furry fella with a sweet expression on his face. But when you press the button on his belly, you’ll be treated to one of eight shocking phrases. He’s a whole new take on Dirty Harry. We know Clint would be proud.
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This is a realistic looking three-foot inflatable penis. Realistic except for the three-foot part, that is. This fantastical figurine is a guaranteed to be a hit at an all-female office party, or a surprise addition to a holiday night out for a group of gal-pals. Keep it away from the men, though, because they might get a complex.
$15.99
Every group of friends has that one girl who’s dirtier than all the rest. In high school she was the most experienced. In college frat parties didn’t faze her. As an adult, the crudest advances out on the bar scene only made her laugh. Now you can make it official: give her personalized Dirty Girl Doctorate Degree.
$13.99
The proverbial “lump of coal” no longer has to be an imaginary threat. This shiny black lump of coal comes in a nice baby blue jewelry box, tied thoughtfully with a double satin bow. This one is perfect for the Christmas curmudgeon, the magical reindeer denier, or the family scrooge.
$16.95
This towel comes from Aisle One in the Truly Tasteless Department. It’s a functional bath towel, but if you wrap it around your waist just right, there’s a life-like picture complete with butt cheeks, legs, and a realistic butt crack to take it over the top.
$24.99
This towel was made famous by the hit comedy show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” You can find it right around the corner from the Butt Towel, on Aisle Two of the Truly Tasteless Department. Except when you wrap this one around your waist, the picture you get is full frontal.
$27.93
For some people, looking cute while doing something is more important than actually doing the thing itself. Tennis? Gotta look cute. Going to the gym? Gotta get dolled up. This is a cooking apron with a black lace push-up bustier on top and the words “I Kiss Better Than I Cook” written across the front.
Prices Vary
This gift could work in a variety of situations if you’re careful. It could be hilarious at an office party, gut-busting among a group of guy friends, and a winner for just the right family. We advise against giving it sincerely to your spouse, however—but we’ll let you be the judge.
$22.98
This is the trilogy that introduced tens of thousands of previously innocent (yeah, right) men and women around the country to the lascivious world of BDSM. And no, that’s not text language for Big Dumb Stupid Man. But that might be what you’re called if you give this to your wife.
$26.49
This completely modern version of the two-thousand year old classic on erotic pleasure is not for the prudish or the faint of heart. It’s got forty color photographs detailing various adventurous bedroom positions. It has difficulty ratings and step-by-instructions for pulling them out. Off, that is. Pulling them off.
$19.03
This book has all the basic things everyone should have picked up from hanging around with mom or dad in the kitchen. Brown the meat before you put in the tomato sauce, use olive oil with the garlic and onions, and throw in a dash of salt to keep the water from over-boiling. Careful, though—there’s a slight chance someone could take this the wrong way.
$15.94
This little game is a great way to find out more about your friends, acquaintances, or your significant other. It’s a tube with a set of fifty sticks inside. On one side there’s a tantalizing truth and on the other side there’s a scandalous dare. With this gift, the old saying applies: be careful what you ask for.
$13.46
This is the wine-bottle version of the perky corkscrew. It’s the same happy little red dude, but instead of a corkscrew, he’s got a knob in the perfect place. You can keep your wine from going bad and make the goodie-goodies in your life blush at the same time.
$6.88
This elegant blindfold is for napping in the afternoon, transatlantic flights, and long commuter train rides home. Or maybe it’s a companion piece to the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. We have a piece of advice with this one. Gift the trilogy first, wait for the reaction then give this one. Or not.
$295.00
This is a gift for the female James Bond who always wants to be prepared for some extracurricular fun if and when the moment should arise. It’s a classy woman’s compact with a mirror for freshening up. But there’s a secret compartment that’s the exactly the right size for a condom.
$24.00
This is a fun gift but you might not get to see the punchline happen. Unless you’re a golfer, that is. We recommend sneaking this gift in with a set of real golf balls. When the golfer in your life hits the links, this gag gift will explode right at the end of the club.
$11.88
This cake topper will turn a few heads and raise a few eyebrows when it’s opened. Let’s hope the bride has a sense of humor about her marriage, because these figurines depict a bride dragging a groom across the floor to meet his fate. And live happily ever after, of course.
$16.68
A word to the wise: talking about weight is a touchy subject, and by rule, it’s best avoided. However, if you can’t resist, if the devil on your shoulder won’t quit whispering in your ear, then this gift will be okay because it’s clever. It’s a spoon and fork set—the spoon has a hole in it, and the fork tines are half-sized.
Prices Vary
Say it our loud three times: hooter hoister, hooter hoister, hooter hoister. If you’re smiling, then buy this gift. If not, then give it a pass. This is a push up bra with a set of mechanical booster arms to restore sagging boobs to their early, perky glory.
Prices Vary
They’re high strung but they won’t take a yoga class. They’re always on edge but they’re not the type to get a prescription for Xanax. They worry about everything all the time but refuse to take a walk in the park and smell the roses. We have the perfect gift: a whole jar of chill pills.
$10.50
Gone are the days when you have to rub your thumb and forefinger together and say, “Hear that? It’s the world’s tiniest violin, playing a sad song just for you.” Now you can give them this four-inch violin and they’ll know exactly what you mean. Please, enough of the whining.
$22.97
This one is meant for your vegan, paleo, raw food, paleo-loving, politically correct friend who believes in magic and rainbows. The one who daydreams about cute kittens and bubble baths. Be sure to have your cellphone out and the video recorder rolling when they open this one. Then post their reaction to social media before they can stop you.
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Buy this gift for the old codger who’s always going on about “the bum ticker.” This set of spare body parts includes a nose, an ear, a kidney, a heart, and a brain. Add water, and the parts grow to six hundred times their original size.
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This tin of mints has a picture of a worried woman on the front. It’s hard to tell what she’s thinking about, until you read the label: Extra Cooling Hot Flash Mints. Now you know what to do when your aunt or mother catches the vapors. Give her these mints and step away.
$6.05
This pad of twenty-five authentic looking traffic tickets makes a great gag gift. But we have a better idea. Go up and down the street in front of the biggest holiday party in your neighborhood, place one of these on every car and write “Just Kidding!” on the back. You’ll find out soon who has a good sense of humor.
$3.10
There’s always that one person in your family or that one friend that tries to tell you they don’t like receiving gifts. They’d be fine with nothing. They’d really just rather give rather than receive. It makes them feel better. Now you can give them this empty jar with a clever label that reads “Jar of Nothing: It’s Exactly What You Said You Wanted.”
$10.50
(Read this next: 2016 Christmas Gift Ideas)
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